How to tell someone a loved one has passed away

When a loved one close to you has passed away, you may be in the position where you need to tell other family members or friends. It’s an incredibly difficult thing to say, and to hear, especially if it was unexpected. Therefore, the way the news is delivered is important. 

 

Take a look at the following few points which may help. 

 

Where

We suggest breaking news such as this face to face. If this is not possible, you may have to phone them. Ensure you are somewhere quiet and have plenty of time to talk things through, rather than needing to rush off, being interrupted or having too much background noise. 

If you need to phone someone more vulnerable, it might be best to do so when you know they have someone else with them (such as a carer, or another relative). 

If you have a lot of people to tell, it might be a good idea to share the job with a family member.

 

How

We suggest starting with a warning that you have bad news so they can prepare themselves and using simple direct language, speaking slowly and gently to ensure they understand; perhaps checking they understand and asking them to express their feelings. Using words such as “Grandpa has died this morning” rather than passed or anything else is often best to ensure they understand. Don’t discuss unrelated issues or race into discussions on arrangements- it might be best to keep it for another conversation and allow the news to sink in.

 

Support 

Someone you tell about the death of a loved one may well be shocked and incredibly upset, even if the death was expected. They may need support by being held, or they may need space but for you to be present while they process the news, take their lead on this. If they are very distressed, you may want to ask someone else to stay with them for a while, if you aren’t able to. 

 

Children

Telling children about the death of a loved one can be difficult as we don’t know how much they will understand or how they will react. It’s best coming from an adult they know well and trust. The resources we suggest reading the following pages before you start Child Bereavement UK or Marie Curie. 

 

Support for you and your family 

We have partnered with Cruse bereavement and want you to know that they are there for you to offer bereavement support and advice. 

 

Cruse is the UK’s leading bereavement charity reaching over 100,000 people across the UK each year. They offer support, advice, and information to children, young people, and adults when someone dies and works to enhance society’s care of bereaved people. 

  

 For immediate bereavement support contact their national helpline on 0808 808 1677 

  

 Children and young people can:

Olivia Wiles